Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

What was your biggest culture shock going to Europe?

I can read

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Health officials warn of measles case from traveler at Dulles Airport - The Washington Post

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Why do so many people seem to hate Nickelback? They're competent and entertaining, and while they certainly aren't the absolute best music, they're still a fun listen.

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Pre-orders for the Xbox Rog Ally will reportedly begin in August, with launch expected two months later - Video Games Chronicle

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Why do older men like to get anal sex?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Can the Beckham brand survive reports of family feud? - BBC

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I see through liars

How do I get off Paxil?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

What is a good habit and what is bad one?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have complete contempt for fakery

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I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Ossett prostate cancer patient urges men to have checks - BBC

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Why would an older small breed dog become obsessive about hygiene?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Do straight guys like to see cocks?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Can men enjoy receiving anal sex?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I can count

I actually pay taxes

I don’t buy bullshit

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability